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Submitted on
May 6, 2012
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the gods
in their storybooks
are laughing


aaaah obsession with greek mythology (:

critique for bloodied lips by rebbiechan. check out her piece, guys :'D

--

feedback questions

i. is the imagery effective? weak?
ii. are there any lines that seem awkward or out of place?
iii. does this piece flow?
iv. are there any lines//words that are cliche or overused?

thank you (':

--

poetry :iconlittle-bird-bones:
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-05-14
[more than galaxies] by ~little-bird-bones The suggester wrote, "It's full of bright imagery, razor-sharp wordplay, and a splash of delightfully geeky-greeky reference."

Also suggested by 9 other deviants. ( Suggested by QuiEstInLiteris and Featured by thorns )
:iconayeaye12:
AyeAye12 Oct 29, 2013  Student Writer
i. is the imagery effective? weak?

Very effective, if not a bit confusing, but that's primarily due to my lack of Greek mythology.

ii. are there any lines that seem awkward or out of place?

Everything seemed really well placed IMO. It was one of those few pieces that when I started to read i could feel my heart beat faster, as I got excited at the fact that I was reading really really well written poetry. 

iii. does this piece flow?

Like hell it does.

iv. are there any lines//words that are cliche or overused?

I don't know if the block quotes are really needed, but I think the piece as a whole comes off as quite original. Brilliant stuff.
Reply
:iconlittle-bird-bones:
little-bird-bones Nov 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
hi hello! i'm sorry for the late reply, but thank you for taking the time to read my work (and even comment on it aah♥). it's very much appreciated (':

i will definitely consider removing the block quotes, bcos the more i look at this piece the more i agree that they really serve no purpose.

i am so glad to hear that your heart started to beat faster (': it makes me incredibly happy to know that my writing affected you in such a way.

thank you so much, lovely soul x
Reply
:iconayeaye12:
AyeAye12 Nov 10, 2013  Student Writer
You're very welcome, thanks for the kind reply :3
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by =DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here: dailylitdeviations.deviantart.… Congratulations on your DD!

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.
Reply
:iconlittle-bird-bones:
little-bird-bones Nov 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
ah oh gosh, thank you so much (': i'm so sorry for the late reply, but i will definitely check out the journal and the other artists!

thank you, thank you, thank you :iconblushplz:
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Jul 8, 2013  Student Writer
GREEK MYTHOLOGY. I LOVE YOU FOR THIS.
Reply
:iconlittle-bird-bones:
little-bird-bones Aug 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
hi! thank you so much!! i'm so sorry this reply is so late. i've been on a break from deviantart haha ;;

but i really do appreciate your lovely comment. thank you thank you thank you! :iconluvluvplz:
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Aug 5, 2013  Student Writer
No worries! I totally understand that kind of thing, lol.

You're welcome! :heart:
Reply
:iconalantherobot:
AlanTheRobot Jul 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm not very familiar with greek mythology, apart from Prometheus and a few others, it wasn't my cup of tea at school, so I had to look some of these up and I might not have gotten all the references, but like always, I loved it anyways!

Favorite line: "<font>on the tile and caught a fever so crisp, it spoke"

The only line I don't really get is this one "</font><font>they called me brother.
sister." Could you explain it?

Hey, I just realized. You got a DD for this! Why did it come in my watch just now? Did you update it? Oh and I replied to your note.
</font>
Reply
:iconmandatoryyesterdays:
oh lord, this is absolutely fascinating. I just love the feeling I get from this- it just makes me feel so peaceful and calm. I am positively in love with this poem and your words.
Reply
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